


when the lights go out

by last



Category: BTOB
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:52:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8129431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/last/pseuds/last
Summary: ilhoon finds hyunsik in the dark and, together, they leave for a short adventure before the sun rises.





	

**Author's Note:**

> something short and sweet for once (that i started before btob moved dorms, hence why they’re still sleeping in the same room and other references). i’m so sorry to everybody who’s been waiting for part two of _close for comfort_ but i’ve been pretty busy these past couple of months, but it’s definitely coming! it’s about 70% done? something like that. anyway, i hope that you’ll enjoy this in the meantime. ♡

there are nights in which it’s near impossible to fall asleep no matter how much time passes. there’s a deep and continuous snoring, just echoing throughout the room – ilhoon knows that it belongs to sungjae by instinct now. there’s a half-hum, half-whistle being breathed out of somebody’s nose towards the far side of the room where eunkwang and donggeun have been sleeping for the past season. it seems that lying flat on his back hasn’t worked out for ilhoon so far, so he turns over onto his side and faces the wall although he had already tried this barely ten minutes ago.

there’s a gentle shuffling from the bed next to his, a shifting of the sheets, and ilhoon rolls over again and sits up to find hyunsik climbing out of his bunk. no one else stirs. ilhoon’s eyes remain fixed on him as he stands up straight, takes a few steps and reaches for the jacket he had left at the end of his bed.

“i feel like getting some fresh air,” is what hyunsik finally whispers as he’s walking closer again.

“where?” ilhoon asks just as quietly.

“only downstairs,” he shrugs. “want to come?”

ilhoon grabs a thick coat from his closet, buttons it up all the way, and meets hyunsik at the front door.

“do you do this often?” ilhoon asks, rather curious, while they’re heading down the stairs with hyunsik in front of him, leading the way (not that he doesn’t know it himself).

“not very,” hyunsik answers without looking back. “but i noticed you were still awake.”

they sit on the steps outside of the building with the chilly december air surrounding them, lightly stinging ilhoon’s skin, and their breath turning into translucent clouds whenever they exhale. he doesn’t hate it though. not really.

the first thing hyunsik says since they’ve gotten out here is, “couldn’t sleep?”

ilhoon shakes his head, “not a second.”

“me neither,” he pauses to think. “then, do you fancy going to take a look at the christmas lights?”

“what, right now?” ilhoon asks back, and he receives a nod in response. he gives a moment more to consider it. “mm, okay.”

hyunsik pulls him up by the hand and, once level to him, ilhoon simply tilts his head.

“so, hyung, was this your intention all along?”

“it came to me just now, actually,” hyunsik flashes him a smile. it’s a small one, but lovely nonetheless. “do you think hyung is that calculating, ilhoon-ah?”

he turns up his nose and snorts, but before he knows it hyunsik has draped an arm over his shoulder and they’re close enough to lend each other their warmth. (although it’s probably only hyunsik making a difference.)

“let’s go.”

they head for downtown where there’s the most to see. red and green lights are lining the streets now, flashing in alternation to set the scene for this year’s festivities – not that they’ll have much time to enjoy them when their schedules are so packed that they’re working on christmas.

well, they never thought that things would be easy.

“have you seen the giant tree at seoul plaza?” hyunsik asks, looking down the street. “at night, i mean.”

“do i go anywhere but the studio this late?”

hyunsik grins, “come on then.”

it’s a somewhat lengthy journey but they keep on walking at a comfortable pace, no rush, until the tree is really all that they can see, its purple lights sparkling into the sky. it’s somewhat blinding, has ilhoon seeing stars and blurs of colour when he turns to hyunsik – and he’s so mesmerised that his eyes are glistening. he has no idea that ilhoon is staring at him.

he doesn’t disturb him, doesn’t think he should. he waits until he returns to reality in his own time.

“beautiful, isn’t it?” he eventually asks.

ilhoon nods, “yeah.”

“i wanted to see it with you.”

“me?”

“mm, but i didn’t know when we’d have the chance,” hyunsik takes a glance to the side, then back at ilhoon.

“eunkwang-hyung said that—”

“i wanted it to be just us,” he lets a smile take over his face.

and ilhoon thinks he has an idea of what he means (although it takes him back for a second, to the old days when the other trainees would roll their eyes at how he was ‘im-sunbae’s favourite’, how hyunsik would help them if they asked but he would ask to help ilhoon. he’s never bothered to hide it and, while ilhoon wouldn’t let that change, it just has him wonder what it all really means, if anything).

“sure, we can come again, but right now i feel like... it feels like this is, i don’t know,” hyunsik shakes his head to himself, and ilhoon doesn’t quite know either although it does feel like _something_ to him as well, like there’s a reason why his heart seems so full and his head so clear when he’s with hyunsik, why he makes everything okay when it isn’t.

they move on. they find a peaceful street to walk through, lined with tiny cafés and eateries that are all closed at this time of the night. maybe they’ll come back again someday, as two or seven, when it’s light outside and not so cold anymore. they’re taken back towards the han river, but nothing’s urging them to cross over just yet.

hyunsik spots a bench by some trees, and there’s the vibrant view of the rest of the city right in front of them, the place they’ve come to call home somewhere in there. it’s humbling, in a way, suddenly feeling so small compared to the entire world. ilhoon tries to take it all in as hyunsik leans back, and he lets it overwhelm him until he turns to find hyunsik watching him so silently.

“ilhoon-ah,” he says almost as quietly. “one day, if things get too difficult for us, would you run away with me?”

an answer comes to mind straight away but ilhoon sits on it for a moment, wonders if he’d ever go through with such a thing, and all he does is realise that there’s nobody else he’d rather be lost in this world with.

“yeah,” he replies. “i think that i would.”

“i know that we just have to keep holding on,” hyunsik sighs into a slight smile. “but even if it’s only for a while, i want us to be free.”

“you’re being so serious.”

he lets out an airy laugh through his nose, “i know.”

and ilhoon gets what he means, he really does. they met under these circumstances, only ever would have with all things considered – hyunsik probably would’ve stayed in shanghai if he hadn’t returned to korea, and even if he did and never went ahead with pursuing music, he’d be in ilsan and ilhoon in seoul. but that’s the thing, isn’t it? that what brought them together is what holds them back, that they can’t go running around however they please.

but at the end of the day, they were still the ones who chose this, and something in the universe still allowed them to meet at all.

hyunsik stands up, “let’s do this again sometime.”

“only us?” ilhoon asks, following hyunsik and they begin to head for the bridge.

“always,” hyunsik drapes his arm over ilhoon’s shoulder like he tends to. “you know n seoul tower, how people leave locks there? it was too late tonight, but that’s actually something that i want to do.”

“what are you going to write?” ilhoon nudges him with his elbow, wonders if he’s thinking the same as he is.

“our names?” hyunsik suggests, and he was. “and then we’ll throw away the key, and we’ll stay there forever.”

“hyung,” ilhoon suddenly stops and so does hyunsik. they stand there by the river, ilhoon turning to face him completely and he just stares.

“hm?”

and then he smiles the widest that he has all day, “that sounds good.”

they return some hours before the time they know that the earliest birds in the dorm begin to wake up and head straight for the bedroom as if they had never left in the first place. they climb into their own beds, but hyunsik reaches over for a moment once he’s comfortably in his, takes ilhoon’s hand and he holds it, just for now.

“ilhoon-ah,” he whispers with a light squeeze. “goodnight.”

he lets go. ilhoon watches as he rolls onto his side, curls up and doesn’t seem to stir anymore. as for himself, he lies flat on his back and shuts his eyes tight, and the entire night comes running back into his mind – it felt like so much for so little time, maybe it was nothing, but it was theirs. they’ve spent the longest nights in the studio, some he remembers and others long forgotten, but his heart is holding onto every second of this – the way hyunsik looked under those lights and the way he looked at him – and it won’t let go.

sometimes things are better off being kept in there and this is one of them. not all seven of them have to know everything; he doesn’t have a single intention to open his mouth about it. this is their secret now and this is how it should be.

and hyunsik might love him, but he’s yet to know for sure.


End file.
